


The Handyman Comes

by nimrod262



Category: Biohazard | Resident Evil (Gameverse)
Genre: Double Entendre, M/M, Nivanfield, Nivansmut, Puns & Word Play, handyman, wordplay before foreplay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-27
Updated: 2018-01-27
Packaged: 2019-03-10 07:54:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13497818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nimrod262/pseuds/nimrod262
Summary: Like most couples, they normally enjoy some foreplay before sex.  And sometimes they like to spice it up with some wordplay too.  One is good with words and the other has always been good with his hands…..Double-entendres from our enduring duo.





	The Handyman Comes

The large calloused hand slowly slid down over the taut abs; the thick fingers walking through the trail of finely curled latte hair; until they met the broad band that proudly announced 'Under Armour' to anyone who could read in the dark. The hand paused its downward descent; the tips of the fingers now running along the edge of the band, exploring its tightness, looking for a way in.

"Ahh!" The younger man moaned softly as his back arched. The contact was not entirely unexpected, but the sensation of the other man's touch was always welcome, always like that very first time....He licked his full-lips in anticipation of what was to come; but the hand, and its fingers, had stopped completely now. He held his breath.

"Knock, knock."

The full-lips parted into a smile, thin strands of saliva stringing between the two. "Uh, who's there?"

"Chris."

"Chris who?"

"Chris Redfield, Handyman."

"What do you want?" He had to ask.

"Can I come in?"

"I'm sorry, the front door's jammed." he felt the calloused hand tug on the door knob.

"Yeah, it does feel kinda' stiff. It needs working on."

"I think....." he chose his next words carefully. "....I think the wood's swollen."

"Hmm, would you like me to rub it down for you?"

"Normally I'd say yes, but its got so big this time. Its so full of moisture. I think it needs to dry out."

"Perhaps I should come round the back?"

"Yes, perhaps you should....."

"Knock, knock."

"That was quick!"

"I'm in a hurry."

"You'd better come in then.....Oh, you're all wet!"

"I said I was in a hurry......."

"Have you got.....?"

"Yes, relax. I'm fully protected."

"Gosh, that's a big tool! Will it fit?"

"It's how you use it that matters. Don't worry, I've done this lots of times."

"That's why I called you. I like a professional."

"I've never had any complaints from my customers."

"How many have you got?"

"Just one, but they're very demanding. Hmm, Its gonna' be a tight fit. Do you think you could......?"

"Oh, um, yes.....ooh.....Is that better?"

"Might need a little more lubrication.....here we go.....How's that?"

"OMG!"

"Heh, heh. I knew you'd be satisfied with my work."

Later:

"There, I've greased all the moving parts."

"Mmm, thanks."

"And I've checked the bolt-action. It shouldn't stick anymore."

"It still feels a little stiff...."

"Perhaps it needs a little more adjustment. Here, let me....."

"Ahhhhjustment! Oh yes, that much feels better. It slides in easily now."

"You know, I think it would be best if I gave you a regular check-up."

"You do?"

"Yeah, grease the nipples, treat the wood, take up any slack."

"That sounds sensible."

"All part of the service."

"And with a smile too. Thank you."

"I don't like to boast, but I do try and be big on customer satisfaction."

"Well, no complaints here. So I'll see you again soon?"

"I'm in the neighborhood most days."

"Wonderful! Here, let me see you out. You can use the front door now."

"Oh, that reminds me, I nearly forgot."

"What?"

"I forgot to polish your knob."

".....!!"

"There, it just needed a little bit of spit and a rub. Hmm, fits nicely in the palm of the hand, so smooth and round. Hard, is it brass?"

".....!!!"

"What?"

"I can't do this any more Babe, all the handy-man double-entendres. I'm running out of carpentry innuendos. I give up. You win."

"Aww!"

"Sorry Babe."

"But I had one left."

"Ok, what was it?"

"I was gonna' show ya' how to do a tongue and groove."

"Um, is that like a butt joint?"

"Ha! There ya' go Ace. Ya' still got some left in ya!"

"So I have! Let me guess...er, it feels like a fin _ger_ joint?"

"With the emphasis on gerrrrr!"

"Woof!"


End file.
